A Nurtured Behavior

For those of you who been following my journey, I am in the process of being certified as a Spiritual Life Coach. Acquiring skills to coach others to produce results that they haven’t yet been able to see. Our coaches in this training have been hard at work exposing habits that we’ve created that may need to change. Leave it to the last week of coaching to unmask a behavior that I have been nurturing for way too long. 

Over the course of my life, I have labeled myself as having a lack of self-confidence or being timid. Not feeling like I am bold or confident in situations and circumstances. Often times in the workplace or when I am required to have tough conversations. Probably the most embarrassing thing about my body is that my chest flushes red when I am either nervous OR in an intense conversation. Sometimes it’s not nerves but my body simply masking an intensity of a situation. I’ve always considered that to be my body giving away to the general public that I am timid! Even typing this out is embarrassing because if you know me, you’ve probably seen a time or two when I’ve turned red. I’ve let this insecurity drive how I’ve labeled myself.

I’ve gone so far as to claim my life word as VALOR. My favorite Bible verse is 2 Timothy 1:7 which talks about turning away from timidity and putting on power, love, and self-discipline. Now there’s nothing inherently wrong with these things. I actually think it helps me to remember who I was created to be. BUT perhaps I’ve gotten lost in the opposite effect. Maybe I have been nurturing this lack of self-confidence. I’ve been feeding it. I perhaps even like it. Playing to the sensation that I get when I’ve watered this weakness. 

I know I am not the only one to get caught up in talking about why we don’t have something we want. We love the self-pity and commissary. The self-gratifying emotions we feel went we vent or gossip about it. The endorphins that rage in our bodies. We words of affirmation that were brought on by manipulation rather than a genuine act of kindness. 

The reality is that we CAN change. We just don’t change. We have limited ourselves.  

We refuse to move the barriers. We chose the temporary more than the eternal. We choose the road MORE traveled. We refuse to redirect our brain then create new pathways for change. We stop growing and practicing innovation. 

The reality is, in order to pave a way for a new future, we have to dig in our feet and do the work. We grow from embodied results. Period. 

Which leads me to ask this question back to myself after coaching this week, why haven’t I embodied confidence yet? 

I am letting the emotions of pity be a roadblock. I kinda love it. I have not let myself be confident. Change, rejection, and failure are all scary things. But I’ve been letting that dictate my future. 

I’ll leave you with this thought…

What is it that you have claimed as an identity that really is just a lack of changed behavior? Be honest with yourself and consider the roadblocks that ought to be removed so that you can tap into your God-given identity

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