When Disorientation Leads to Redirection

Well, here we are in our first month of 2021 friends! Welcome to my personal website! You will find previous blogs posted below that I have written over the last few years. Today, I find myself publicly writing for the first time in quite a while. And for the first time ever, it’s my own platform and my own voice. 

For starters, let me catch you up on my life and the context in which I find myself. I am not immune to the repercussions of what’s been happening in our world and in our society during the pandemic. Over the last few months, I lost what I considered a “dream” of a job. I have lost friendships and intimate relationships. I’ve grieved the loss of my church community. I’ve lost an identity that I have chased since I was young. I have had to reassess my calling and my direction and I didn’t see it coming.

I am not naive to think I am the only one on the struggle bus. Many of my friends, acquaintances, colleagues, and family members alike have been assessing the same debilitated circumstances. Everyone is tired. Weary of Covid and the death associated with this freaking virus. Job loss not due to your performance, but circumstances outside of your control. My friends of color who are exhausted and reeling from toxic nationalism and white supremacy. Can we recognize and lament over how disoriented everyone is?!

Disoriented is defined as having lost a sense of direction. We are confused. Perplexed. Bewildered. Off-course. And all over the place. Does anyone really know what true north is these days? If you can relate to any of these words, can I take a moment and simply assure you that you are not alone!! 

Shortly before 2020 ended, I put myself into counseling and just last week I started Spiritual Life Coaching. Having been a pastor for the last 10 years, I often opted to put others first. My heart was usually in the right place but my own equilibrium was off. I needed direction. I desired movement. I craved stability. I aspired to start producing results in my life. 

Elizabeth Gilbert an Author writes, “We are constantly being told to pursue our passions in life, but there are times when passion is a tall order and hard to reach. But curiosity, I have found, is always within reach. Passion is a tower of flame, but curiosity is a tiny tap on the shoulder.” 

My curiosities in life are being revived. We all have dreams and aspirations. Sometimes, we think in big concepts instead of the small movements we ought to take. A friend in my life has been telling me to focus on my steps. I simply shrugged off that statement until now. We can’t control tomorrow. We can’t control our circumstances. We cannot control the people in our life making decisions that impact our families. BUT WE CAN BE CURIOUS. WE CAN TAKE STEPS. Little by little, we find our true north again. Little by little, we are assured that Jesus leads us back. Little by little with commitments to mental, physical, and emotional health, we can stop reeling. We CAN move from disorientation into thriving. We CAN produce results for our life. 

Today, I ask you to consider two questions: What is your despair of the moment? Be real. Define your desperation. Secondly, where do you have clear momentum building? Hold the tension and be curious. 

There’s much more to my story, which I’ll share over time. Leave a comment, DM me, invite me to coffee/ wine! Let’s be valourous people together and explore a future you haven’t imagined yet. 

6 comments on “When Disorientation Leads to Redirection”

  1. Beautifully written! You have gained great insight and perspective through the journey God has you in this far!! Duane & I too have grieved (and continue to grieve) the loss of our church family. We are here for you anytime. Together we can all press on to the next adventure God has for us. “He isn’t safe, but He is GOOD.” ??

  2. Best of luck on your new pathway. I’m confident you will do well. I appreciate your steps to making life better.

Leave a Reply to Mae